Canada, we love you.Okay, so one time at a message board, K Web Have my good friend Vanchan asked for info on Canada, I provided in typical Canadian fashion, and I got caried away and typed up an essay, I liked this essay, retouched it, and shoved it onto my website. Now you get to read it.

Canada is a country that is very big, and kinda cold. Oh, and it's really, really clean. Not all Canadians speak French, I myself don't understand anything past "pamplemousse". However it is taught in schools, but Canada Ontario does not take too much pride in its educational system.

In Quebec, everything must be written in both languages, including grafiti and tattoos, this might have direct correlation to why Canada is much cleaner.

Also in Canada, we use colour instead of color, because that's the right way. Yes, the right way, it's the way they write it in England, and that's where the languages came from.

We still love these guys.
In Canada, we want to dump the monarchy very badly, this is different than most of the British colonies, you see, the Queen maintains loyalty to her with a hypno-ray (and you thought she was just waving!). However Canadians have engineered our own mind-control ray to counteract the Queen's power, these Canadian mind control rays are spread from the CN Tower in our capital city, Toronto. The CN tower is the tallest manmade structures in the world, taller than the Sears tower, really, check your facts.

These mind control rays are similar to the mind control rays used in the United States, but there's a bad exchange rate so each mind-control ray in the United States is worth a mind control ray and a half in Canada.

We hate HTML because it forces us to spell color wrong, but we will have our revenge. Canadians actually own the internet, we just let everybody else use it because we're really nice. Except for you Americans, we let you use it because if you didn't then you'd begun to whine, it's your national pastime. We let Dubya think he created the internet because, well, look at him, he's funnier than the Queen and the Pope combined.

Canadians are funny, kinda like the British are funny, only -everybody- thinks Canadians are funny. Just listen to some of our bands like Barenaked Ladies, Moxy Fruvous, and Radio Free Vestibule. Also, the Kids in the Hall are Canadian. Most people think Tom Green is Canadian, but we disowned him in 1999, so legally he's Russian. Mike Bullard is still Canadian, but he's not actually human, highly evolved Beaver, we're very advanced in genetics. It's because we're so funny that we haven't kicked out the Queen yet, seriously, she's easier to make fun of than the pope. Other funny Canadians include James Howard (The Multimedicore Knight) and Don Cherry, well Don isn't that funny, but let Ron McClain try to get a word in on "Coaches Corner" when Don hasn't taken his medication, -that's- comedy.

All Canadians go to heaven.

The French they speak in Quebec is a lot like the French they speak in France, only better, because it's not France.

The national food of Canada is not the Donut, as people think. It is actually Poutine, a mix of Fries, Gravy, and Cheese Curds, do not taunt the poutine. The National flower of Canada, as it happens -is- the donut. Our flag, which unlike Star-Spangled Banner used in the US or the Union Jack used in England, does not have a special name. The red Maple Leaf represents Toronto's hockey team, the Maple Leafs. Yes, Leafs. And for those of you wondering, yes, they were high when they invented poutine, but I already mentioned the leafs.

Canada has never directly gotten into a serious war on our own soil. Unlike the United States; our country actually makes friends with other countries. We want something? we ask for it! Unlike Dubya who likes to start a yearly war. Of course, why would we ever ask for something? We have natural resources out the wazoo! Other reasons Canada has never been invaded is because we're funny, and because Poutine gets really, really gross if you leave it out for more than three minutes. Fetus gross.

Canada's national sport is Hockey. In the United States, they call it "Ice Hockey". The reason for our choice of sport is because 1. We like to flaunt our aforementioned resources that you don't have, one of these resources is ice. 2. We have balls, yea, Ice-solid balls for a real Man's game, none of this sissy basketball.

Canada was used as a place of security for African Americans during... some US time period. Blacks were carried to Canada on the underground railroad. This underground railroad led to Toronto, which still utilizes underground pathways, because outside in winter is a real pain. However despite this black exodus, Canada still has less african-americans per capita than the United States. This might also be a factor in why hockey is more popular up here. Despite the relatively small black population, Canada has more rappers per capita than the United States. Wiggity what?

In Ontario, females are no obligated to wear tops are all times, our Prime Minister however, is.

The national drink of Canada is beer. Canada beer is good, you know how I said that Canada has more natural resources left than the united states? Well considering your beers, even with Hudson bay we -still- don't have as much water as you guys. Anyway, the idea to make Beer our national beverage was actually stolen from America, we just did it better. Also, we don't carry firearms to school on a regular basis, this is because Crime in Canada is kept away thanks to the RCMP. Canada has the RCMP instead of police, the letters stand for Royal Canadian Mofo Pimp-squad. Rather than using guns, they have mountie-hats, steel tipped moutie hats. That idea we stole from Oddjob.

Oh, and Mike Myers is a funny Canadian too. But don't worry, the US still has Kevin Smith. Naba-nootch!

In conclusion, Canada is a world of diversity.
We love these guys too.
Our national anthem, see if you can guess the name of it:


O, Canada, our home and native land.
True, Patred love, in all our sons command.
From far and wide, O Canada.
We stand on gard for thee!

Gar gee, barland.
Glor eus, and free.
Oh, Canada, we stand on gard, for, thee.

Oh, Canada, we stand on Gaurd for thee.
Oh, CANADA, we stand on gaurd, for, Thee.

bust it out, wiggity wiggity wiggity what
old skool! REPRESENT
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